The 13th Hour Video Version

Gm Timekeepers! ⏳😤

The markets seem to be picking up, memecoins are farting, and the US economy is… well, having a panic attack. 

From Bitwise doubling down on its $200K Bitcoin prophecy to New York flirting with crypto tax payments (with a side of bureaucracy), today’s roundup is a rollercoaster of hopium, headlines, and hilarity. 💨🚀

Feeling uneasy about global trade tensions, currency devaluation, and tariffs that sound more like threats than policies? Same.

But apparently, Bitwise is popping champagne 🍾 over it all—reaffirming its bold $200,000 BTC prediction despite the turmoil.

According to Bitwise CIO Matt Hougan, the dollar's swan dive 💸 (down over 7% this year!) could be a launchpad for Bitcoin. Why? Simple logic:

Dollar down = Bitcoin up.

Because... obviously, the best hedge against a broken economy is a decentralized economy. ✨🪙

Hougan argues that Trump’s “tariff tantrum” and the White House’s apparent willingness to ditch the dollar’s global reserve status could turn BTC into a geopolitical safe haven.

Forget gold—Bitcoin’s the “fastest horse” 🐴 in this post-dollar rodeo, says trader Will Clemente. Because when trade wars break out, who needs earnings or fundamentals when you’ve got vibes? 😎

Imagine a world where the US dollar’s power wanes, reserve systems fracture, and central banks squirm. 

In that world, Bitcoin and gold are king 👑. Hougan says institutions will have no choice but to turn to Bitcoin.

Which is perfect… unless you were hoping for global economic stability or affordable imports. 🫠

So, should you mortgage your house and ape into Bitcoin before the next round of tariffs? Maybe not.

But hey, Bitwise is standing firm on its $200K target. And if they’re right, we’ll all be rich before Bybit can shut down another NFT marketplace. 💀

New York lawmakers are making waves again — and this time, it’s not for banning soda sizes or fighting pigeons in Times Square.

A new bill, Assembly Bill A7788, wants to let you pay your fines, taxes, rent, and more… in crypto.

Yes, your speeding ticket could soon be paid in Bitcoin, Ethereum, Litecoin, or even Bitcoin Cash (because apparently, that still exists 🤷‍♀️).

NY Assemblyman Clyde Vanel is pushing for the state to hop on the crypto train 🚆 — not to the moon exactly, but to the tax office. 

The bill proposes state agencies accept crypto for all the boring stuff: civil penalties, fees, rent, fines, and even financial obligations (which sounds way more dramatic than it is).

But wait, there’s a classic NY twist — 🗽💁‍♂️

If you dare to be innovative and pay in crypto, you might get slapped with a "service fee" because… bureaucracy. Yup, the state wants to cover its “costs” — read: cha-ching! 💰💼

This is the second crypto bill in just over a month. Looks like Trump’s pro-crypto push is making red and blue states alike see green. 💚🟦🟥

While your serious coins are bleeding out, one token just crop-dusted the entire market... and it’s not Dogecoin. It’s Fartcoin — yes, Fart. Coin.

The Solana-based gas-powered meme machine just ripped a 97% pump in 7 days, and the crypto crowd is inhaling every bit of it. 😵‍💫💨

With major coins like Ethereum down bad (–13% this week 😬), degens are turning away from logic and heading straight for… flatulence-themed finance.

Why? Because when markets go to crap, sometimes you just want to laugh while losing money — or in Fartcoin’s case, actually make some.

Launched by an AI agent last October (because of course it was), Fartcoin went from $0.20 to $0.96 in a few gassy weeks. 

Traders say it’s “speculation on sentiment,” but let’s be real: it’s vibes and toots. No roadmap. No founder. No utility. Just pure meme magic. 🪄💩

Analysts say it mirrors OG trends like Uniswap vs SushiSwap or OHM vs Abracadabra — rinse, repeat, and meme harder.

And with Fartcoin’s mindshare on X jumping to 28.72%, it’s literally top of mind in the AI + crypto crossover crowd.

“Everyone remembers how much money they made on Fartcoin,” said Messari’s Matthew Nay. Translation: nostalgia pays — even if it smells.

Just when everyone thought the markets were doomed—again—Bitcoin did what it does best: it moon-ed.

Amid terrifying U.S. economic indicators and a rollercoaster CPI print, Bitcoin laughed in the face of chaos and soared nearly 10% in just 7 days.

Meanwhile, traditional finance is still nervously sipping coffee and pretending everything’s fine.

What’s really going on behind the scenes? The LTH Realized Cap (aka the dollar value long-term BTC holders paid for their coins) just broke above $18B for the first time since Sept 2024.

For those playing along at home, that’s typically a bullish accumulation signal—meaning OGs are stacking like it’s Q3 2024 all over again. That run led to 100% returns. No big deal. 😎

Also, let’s not ignore the Open Interest (OI) plunge—a classic leverage wipeout that usually sets the stage for a price surge. And wouldn’t you know it, OI just jumped 10% in the past 24 hours. Traders are back, baby. The degen spirit never dies.

BTC also found a cozy home at the $79K support zone, with Glassnode noting around 40K $BTC was scooped up like candy there. Then there's the $82K level, with another 51K $BTC chilling.

Basically, an accumulation game: strong. Even popular TA analyst Cold Blooded Shiller spotted a potential bullish breakout forming.

Mark your calendars, meme coin fanatics — April 18 is shaping up to be a wild one. Donald Trump’s official Solana-based meme coin, TRUMP, is set to unlock 40 million tokens — worth a spicy $320 million — and the internet is already prepping its popcorn. 🍿

Token unlocks usually scream “SELL, SELL, SELL!” because suddenly, there’s more supply sloshing around. 

And with TRUMP’s supply ballooning by 20%, you don’t need a PhD in tokenomics to guess what happens next. Sidney Powell (no, not that Sidney Powell), CEO of Maple Finance, is already flashing the 🐻 signal: more supply = less scarcity = price dip incoming.

But wait—this isn’t your usual degens-only coin.

TRUMP was actually the first-ever altcoin for many wallet holders when it launched in January (bless their Solana-loving hearts 💔). 

And while the price has cratered 89% from its $73 ATH, the coin still has a $1.6 billion market cap. That’s right — it runs on vibes, cheap sneakers, and Trump’s perfume empire. 😅

Will inexperienced holders diamond-hand it through the storm, or will they rage sell at $8 and move on to the next hype? 

And don’t forget the juicy detail — just 13,000 wallets hold over $1,000 worth. That’s not a community; that’s a highly unstable cocktail of hopium and brand loyalty. 🥴

With the unlock schedule dripping out $4M worth of TRUMP per day until July, this isn't just a one-time dump — it’s a slow bleed. Unless Trump distracts the masses with another rally
or a spontaneous fragrance launch, it's looking rough out here. 😬

In the world of meme coins, fundamentals don’t matter — but unlock schedules? Oh, they definitely do. 💀

…And Time

That’s a wrap on today’s 13th Hour 🕛💥

Whether you're stacking sats, memeing your way to generational wealth, or just watching the world burn with a cold brew in hand, one thing's clear: this market runs on chaos and vibes. 

We’ve got presidential meme coins unlocking, NYC taxing your crypto, and fart-fueled tokens making millionaires. 

So strap in, stay nimble, and remember—volatility is a feature, not a bug. See you tomorrow. ⏳🌀

– Your daily choronographer 🔁