The 13th Hour Video Version
Gm Timekeepers!
Hope your portfolios are holding better than Trump's ETH buys because the crypto market just strapped itself to a rocket made of memes, derivatives, and biotech experiments. 🧪📈
Let’s dive in ↘️
1️⃣ A wallet linked to Trump’s crypto squad sold ETH at a $125M loss.
2️⃣ The SEC gave the green light to options on spot Ethereum ETFs.
3️⃣ Hoskinson claims Bitcoin will moon while tech giants start paying in stablecoins.
4️⃣ Pakistan mines BTC with leftover electricity, and CZ joins the party.
5️⃣ A new memecoin is now funding anti-aging research.
🧨 World Liberty Finance Rage-Sells ETH at a $125M Loss! "Buy High, Sell Cry" Strategy?
A wallet possibly tied to World Liberty Financial (aka Trump’s crypto adventure squad) just dumped 5,471 ETH at $1,465 a pop.
That’s $8.01M back… from a cool $210M initial investment. 🫠💀
You don’t need to be a blockchain sleuth to do the math: That’s a $125 million reality check. 📉💸
Remember when World Liberty Financial loaded up on 67,498 ETH at $3,259 each? Yeah. That didn’t age well.
Now they're panic-selling at the bottom while the market discusses if this is capitulation… or just another boomer firm "buying the top, selling the hopium." 🚪
Meanwhile, Crypto Twitter is popping off:
👀 “What do they know that we don’t?”
💬 “Is this a genius tax-loss harvest or just vibes and prayer?”
📉 “Perfect time to start dollar-cost averaging... again.”
Want to feel better about your bags?
At least you didn’t personally set $125 million on fire for clout and questionable memes. 🔥😅
But hey, if Trump’s crew is dumping, maybe it’s time to… buy the dip? 🐸📉🛒
Or maybe they're just clearing ETH off the books before launching the $MELANIA token mega-pump.
So what now?
🔎 Keep tracking that wallet
🧠 Reassess your own strategy
🧾 Consider buying from people selling out of fear (or politics)
Because when World Liberty Financial rage-quits the market, someone else is scooping up the discount. 👀📦
🚨 SEC Just Approved Ethereum ETF Options! Were Moonshots Not Wild Enough?
The SEC is out here speedrunning crypto adoption like it's 2021 all over again.
They just approved options trading on spot Ethereum ETFs.
Yes, OPTIONS — because plain old ETFs weren’t already volatile (fun) enough. 🎢💀
Think of options as side bets on an asset's future price. They give you the right (but not the obligation) to buy or sell at a set price before a certain date. In the ETF world, this means you can play Ethereum's price movements without diving directly into the crypto waters.
The move means Wall Street can now place bets on bets about Ethereum.
Welcome to Derivatives Inception™. 🎬🌀
These new American-style options will be physically settled — not your standard “paper hands only” contracts.
So now traders can go:
✔️ Long
✔️ Short
✔️ Turbo-degen on leverage with fancy names and Greek letters. 🧠
And guess what? ETH is already up 12% in 24 hours. 📈🔥
Now you too can:
🧾 Bet on ETH volatility
📉 Get wrecked faster than ever before
💸 Feel like a hedge fund manager from the comfort of your mom’s basement
Plus, with $112B in ETH ETF assets and big dogs like Fidelity eyeing ETH staking approvals, this is no longer just a "narrative."
It’s a full-blown TradFi-on-chain remix. 🎧🏦
Want to feel like a big-brained macro trader?
✅ Buy ETH
✅ Write some covered calls
✅ Get rekt by theta decay while pretending you understand implied volatility 🧠💥
Or just sit back, watch institutions pile in, and wonder how long until someone launches options on options. (We’re only half-joking.) 😅
🚀 Bitcoin to $250K and Apple Paying Employees in Stablecoins? Sure, Why Not.
Charles Hoskinson (yes, Cardano’s Founder) just dropped a spicy take:
“Bitcoin will hit $250,000 this year, and the Magnificent 7 tech giants will start using stablecoins.”
Because obviously, when geopolitics go to hell and macro looks wobbly, we all know the solution: Number Go Up™.
In a chat with CNBC, Chuck laid out his bullish bingo card:
Geopolitical chaos? ✅
Fed rate cuts = easy money? ✅
Crypto adoption surging past 659M users? ✅
Stablecoin regulation incoming? ✅
Apple paying devs in USDC? LOL but maybe ✅
He even believes that once the “tariff drama” fizzles and the Fed turns on the money printer again, we’ll see crypto melt faces like it’s 2021 all over again. 🖨️
Apple releases the iPhone 17 Pro Max Deluxe Blockchain Edition™
Amazon starts offering Prime rewards in DAI
And Microsoft pays coders in PYUSD for fixing Clippy’s ghost
Too far-fetched? Hoskinson says wait till legislation passes, and the Magnificent 7 will be all over it. Because what’s better than stock buybacks? Stablecoin rails, baby.
According to Charles' prediction, what should you do?
🤔 Start stacking sats before the $250K moonshot
📜 Follow the Stablecoin Bill and Digital Asset Market Structure Act
💼 Maybe get that Apple internship — and request payment in ETH
Because if tech titans and geopolitics align… we’re not going to the moon — we’re heading to another galaxy. 🪐
⚡ Pakistan to Mine Bitcoin with Leftover Electricity!?
Pakistan just had a galaxy brain moment 🧠💡 — instead of letting surplus electricity go to waste, why not… mine bitcoin and run AI data centers?
Yup, according to Reuters, that’s the plan.
Welcome to the Crypto Industrial Revolution™, South Asia Edition.
Bilal Bin Saqib — advisor to Pakistan’s finance minister and CEO of the newly minted Pakistan Crypto Council — says they’re in talks with mining firms. Locations will be picked based on where electricity is just... chilling. 🛋️⚡
Because when life gives you high tariffs and solar panels, you don’t make lemonade — you make digital gold. 🪙✨
And in case that wasn’t ambitious enough, they’re also planning to host AI data centers. Gotta keep those LLMs running somewhere, right?
But wait — it gets juicier.
👀 CZ (yeah, that CZ) just joined as a strategic advisor to the Council.
🗣️ Trump’s pro-crypto stance apparently gave Pakistan the confidence boost it needed.
🌍 The Council wants Pakistan to become the leader in blockchain-powered finance.
Sounds like someone’s tired of being a Web3 wallflower. Time to hit the global crypto dance floor. 💃🕺
When a country with 240M people, serious power issues, and top-10 crypto adoption decides to go full degen... things could get interesting. 🔥👀
💊 Memecoins Aren’t Just to Pump Your Bags but Also Help in Anti-Aging?🪙
Move over Dogecoin. There's a new memecoin meta, and it’s literally trying to defeat death.
Yeah, you read that right. Welcome to Pump.science — the only platform where buying a token might one day help you live long enough to see Ethereum 4.0. 🧓
Introducing Urolithin A, the first crypto-funded anti-aging supplement, backed by tokenholder degeneracy and livestreamed mouse experiments (yes, really).
🐛 Worms lived 6.35% longer
🪰 Flies? 20.13%
🐭 Mice? One died (RIP), one ran better, one did nothing. Welcome to Web3 science, where “mixed results” are part of the vibe.
And soon, you can join the experiment — just slap on your Apple Watch, track your VO2 Max, and see if you feel younger before the next rugpull.
This isn’t just vibes — it’s tokenized science fiction with a legal twist.
Token buys = research funding
Trading fees = more experiments
Tokenholders = fractional owners of IP
Science = a slot machine, but with mitochondria
“Is this real research or just a dopamine farm for biotech bros?”
Platforms like VitaDAO, CryoDAO, and even the Methuselah Foundation are all in. Even CZ and Vitalik briefly made DeSci cool back in November 2024
So, what can you do?
⚗️ Preorder Urolithin A
💰 Buy tokens tied to other untested compounds
👀 Watch mice run on a stick
🧠 Try not to think too hard about the ethical implications
If you're gonna ape into a memecoin, why not choose the one that might make you live long enough to see if any of this actually works? 👴📉
…And Time
That’s all for today’s 13th Hour, where crypto feels like Mad Max meets Wall Street meets science fair. 🧪🧨
Whether you're betting on ETH volatility, watching governments mine BTC, or investing in worm-powered immortality, just remember — in crypto, the future is always weirder than it looks. 👽📉📈
So stack some sats, hug your bags, and maybe... keep your mice away from biotech DAOs.
Catch you tomorrow⏳
– Your daily chronographer 🔁
