The 13th Hour Video Version

Gm Timekeepers! ⏳💥

The markets are in turmoil, but one bull just won’t back down.

While the memes are bleeding and the recession whispers grow louder, Michael Saylor is doing what he does best – buying more Bitcoin.

The chaos doesn’t stop there. Grab your popcorn 🍿 ‘cuz this is The 13th Hour! 🕧

While the stock market sheds trillions and altcoins cry in red candles, guess who’s out here shopping like it’s Black Friday? Yep, Michael Saylor. 🛒🐂

After a brief pause (probably to check his portfolio and say "meh"), Strategy just snagged 22,048 more BTC, bringing their stack to a casual 528,185 BTC. 

No big deal. That's just over $8.6 billion in unrealized gains… Who needs stability in this economy? 🤷💰

While most investors are sweating bullets, Saylor's out here flexing his laser eyes and adding to the shopping cart. 

With BTC down from $109K to ~$84K, Microstrategy’s moves scream:

Blood on the charts? Time to back up the truck. 🚛📦 

Even as altcoins bleed out (-33%), BTC’s only down 22%. Guess who’s looking more stable than your retirement fund? 💀

If you're wondering what institutions think about Bitcoin during market chaos, here's your answer:

👉 Watch what Saylor does, not what the Fed says.

👉 Keep your eyes on the SaylorTracker, not your panic-stricken wallet.

And if you're still unsure whether BTC’s the real store-of-value MVP... just ask yourself:

Dogecoin slips 3%, Bitcoin stays strong around $85K, and traders are once again losing sleep over a possible U.S. recession in 2025.

Yes, folks — the R-word is back, and it's dragging your favorite dog-themed coin down with it. 🐕

While BTC and ETH decided to chill through the chaos, the rest of the market took a nosedive:

All this while Wall Street’s whispering recession rumors like it’s the plot twist in a bad soap opera.

Betting markets are literally placing odds (40–60%) on a 2025 economic downturn. Vegas-style economics, anyone? 🎰📉

Still, Bitcoin is having a moment — regaining that classic “store of value” sparkle as gold hits all-time highs and equities throw tantrums. 🪙✨

Just when you thought crypto was ready for another moody spiral, XRP, Solana (SOL), and Cardano (ADA) decided to flex.

While Bitcoin is out here playing peekaboo with $85K, these altcoins are dropping bullish hints…

Despite the chaotic backdrop of tariffs, macro fears, and Bitcoin mood swings, these three amigos are flashing strong technicals:

Let’s not get too excited (or maybe do 👀), but technical indicators like:

…are all screaming accumulation mode ON.

Translation: smart money may already be filling their bags.

If you're a trader with a taste for spice:

Meanwhile, Bitcoin’s just there in the background, being emotionally unavailable (as always 😒).

Ever felt like your memecoin empire could vanish faster than your weekend plans? That’s exactly what happened when Phantom Wallet — yes, the one hyped as “best-in-class” — allegedly let a hacker walk off with $500,000 worth of Wiener Doge ($WIENER) 💸🌭.

According to a spicy 🌶 lawsuit just filed, Phantom was caught storing users’ private keys in unencrypted browser memory — because apparently, cybersecurity best practices took a day off. 

A hacker allegedly snatched those keys straight out of a developer’s browser RAM like it was a cookie jar 🍪.

Oh, and multi-factor authentication? Just for decoration, apparently. The attacker didn’t even need to crack that. 👀

The victims include a lawyer named Thomas Liam Murphy (who’s also leading the lawsuit — plot twist!) 🤷

Meanwhile, Phantom’s built-in "Swapper" feature converted the $500K worth of WIENER into a measly $37K in SOL, nuking the memecoin’s project value from $3.1 million to dust.

Add in some sneaky OKX partnership allegations and a lack of transaction limits, it’s starting to sound less like a wallet and more like a getaway car. 🚔💨

If you're holding funds in Phantom, maybe consider cold storage or at least double-check where your private keys live. 🧊🔑

As the lawsuit stews in court, keep an eye out because what happens in Phantom clearly doesn't stay in Phantom. 👻 💼

Trump and Bukele had a big White House pow-wow on April 14, and guess what was not on the table?

Yep — the shiny orange coin they both love to tweet about. 🤷‍♂️📉

Instead of chatting about Satoshis and strategic reserves, the two presidents focused on trade, immigration, and mass deportations. 

Trump even floated the idea of El Salvador expanding its prisons to take in convicted U.S. citizens.

Because nothing says international diplomacy like “Hey bro, can you babysit our criminals?” 🫠🏗️

Meanwhile, both countries own a serious stack of BTC.

Yet, during a historic sit-down between the Bitcoin poster boys, crypto didn’t even get a shoutout.

Apparently, Bitcoin’s just a side hustle now while they’re busy building jails and dodging trade wars. 💼🫣

If you're expecting pro-crypto leadership to actually talk crypto — maybe don’t hold your breath. 😬

This meeting was more "Law & Order: Trade War Unit" than "Bankless Nation Bros Unite."

So, while El Salvador quietly stacks sats and the U.S. hoards confiscated BTC, the public narrative is… “Let’s circle back to Bitcoin... never.” 🙃

…And Time.

That’s it for today’s 13th Hour 🕛

Whether you're stacking sats, rage-quitting alts, or side-eyeing political leaders, remember: in crypto, conviction is a rollercoaster, and FOMO is forever. 

Stay safe, stay weird, and we’ll catch you in the next one. 🌪️⏳

– Your daily chronographer 🔁