Gm Timekeepers,

Stock market bros just woke up a little richer and well crypto bros, at least we’re getting good at emotional resilience.

Wall Street just pulled off its biggest flex of the year, crypto is rewriting the laws of finance (again), and somewhere in the SEC, analysts are wondering if Bitcoin will ever follow a rulebook that actually exists. 

Meanwhile, Ethereum made transactions cheaper, and the market responded by rugging its own price – because, of course. 🤷

So, whether you’re celebrating, coping, or just here for the chaos, let’s break it all down.

TL;DR 👇

🌎 Markets Rally as Wall Street Sees Its Best Day of 2025.

🚀 White House Crypto Czar David Sacks Offloads Holdings Amid Scrutiny

📈 VanEck Seeks AVAX ETF Approval as Crypto ETFs Expand

🔥 Ethereum’s Gas Fees Plummet, but ETH Struggles Post-Upgrade

💥 XRP’s Fully Diluted Valuation Surpasses Ethereum’s

🚀 TON Gains 20% as Telegram Founder Resolves Travel Issues.

While not for the crypto trench dwellers, some of this optimism could very well flow into web3. 👇

The S&P 500 just had its best day of 2025, and suddenly, everyone’s a stock market guru again.

The index jumped 2.1%, the Nasdaq soared 2.6% (thanks, AI stocks), and even the Dow remembered how to go up, climbing 1.7%.

But before we throw an economic victory parade, let’s not forget the last few weeks looked like a horror movie. 🧟

Tariffs, inflation fears, and a consumer sentiment drop that suggests people are more excited about their dentist appointments than the economy.

But on a positive side:

📈 Nvidia (NVDA) gained over 5%

🚘 Tesla (TSLA) rose 4%

👏 Meta (META) found a way to stay relevant (+3%)

🎉 Bitcoin crawled back above $84K

😮 Gold briefly hit $3,000 an ounce – because when in doubt, hoard shiny things

Enjoy the green numbers while they last

David Sacks, America’s new AI & crypto czar, insists he’s sold over $200 million in crypto holdings before taking office.

Because, you know, government ethics are also a thing. 🫣

This comes after conspiracy theories accused him of mooning his own bags when Trump announced a national crypto reserve. 

While he claims to have dumped BTC, ETH, and SOL, he still holds equity in BitGo and Lightning Labs – probably because even regulators don’t fully understand how Lightning works.

Some think Sacks regulating crypto while having past investments is like putting a former casino owner in charge of gambling laws.

Meanwhile, the Winklevoss twins are cheering him on, which is... reassuring?

Will Sacks be the hero crypto needs, or just another government player pretending to understand DeFi? 

Another day, another ETF filing.

This time, VanEck wants an Avalanche (AVAX) ETF, because apparently, we’re just ETF-ing everything at this point.

With Bitcoin and Ethereum ETFs already a thing, firms are now trying their luck with Solana, XRP, and even Dogecoin (because meme economies are real).

Meanwhile, the SEC can’t decide if it wants to be crypto’s friend or its overly strict parent. 😵‍💫

Could this be the start of mainstream adoption for AVAX, or will this application sit in SEC limbo until the next bull run?

Grab some popcorn 🍿. This one might take a while. ⌛

Ethereum finally did something right.

Gas fees plummeted 95% after the Dencun upgrade. Swaps now cost $0.39 instead of $86, and NFT sales won’t make you cry.

Sounds like a win, right? Well… not entirely.

ETH’s price collapsed from $4,070 to $1,891 because… the market is allergic to good news? 🤷

Ethereum’s Pectra upgrade is already bugging out on testnet.

Lower fees should make Ethereum more competitive, but it's DeFi dominance is fading, and developers are eyeing other chains. 

Can Ethereum recover, or is this just the beginning of its mid-life crisis?

XRP’s fully diluted valuation (FDV) just overtook Ethereum’s, hitting a staggering $235 billion.

Somewhere, ETH maxis are hyperventilating.

Despite Ethereum slashing transaction fees by 95% with its latest upgrade, XRP’s meteoric rise is fueled by DeFi adoption, Trump’s pro-crypto stance, and the U.S. government treating digital assets like rare collectibles.

The XRP army is celebrating, ETH fans are coping. 🧘

Meanwhile, Solana is lurking in the background, waiting to pounce.

At this rate, Dogecoin could flip Bitcoin next. Welcome to the meme economy. 🤝

Turns out, a passport can pump a crypto! French authorities finally gave Telegram founder Pavel Durov his travel freedom back.

In return, TON surged 20%, crossing $3.45 with an $8.14B market cap.

Durov, the privacy-obsessed rebel behind Telegram’s nearly 1 billion users, had his passport held hostage, triggering free speech debates.

Now that he’s unshackled, the TON Foundation is calling it a win for decentralization.

With TON’s ecosystem expanding, including yield programs, asset support, and a slick Wallet update, the hype is real. 

But is this just a relief rally, or does TON have actual staying power?

That’s all for now, folks!

If your portfolio is greener than your last attempt at meal prepping, enjoy it while it lasts.

If not, just remember: the market is like a toxic ex – no matter how bad it gets, you always come back.

Until next time, keep learning & thriving. 🚀

– Your head chronograph ⏱️